


Towards the lights in my dream I awoke into

by RikaRov



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Akechi Goro Lives, Angst, Bloody Hands, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, POV Akechi Goro, Post-Canon, Slight Canon Divergence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:48:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28194219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RikaRov/pseuds/RikaRov
Summary: I push Akira away, in Leblanc’s cafe, winter uniform. “My life, is not worthy.” I drop the conclusion and run out of Leblanc. Warmth totally leaving me, staying behind the closed door of Leblanc.
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Comments: 6
Kudos: 24
Collections: 21 plus akeshuake server yuletide 2020 event





	Towards the lights in my dream I awoke into

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Day 6: Fairy Light prompt for 21+ akeshuake Yuletide event! I’m actually late but better than never!

How long has it been since I started to have senses again? It's weird, knowing yourself has been floating around in a dark space for an extended long time, unable to drift awake or asleep again, stuck in this situation that you can't get out. There's no gravity here, moving my legs won't get me anywhere, stationary in this one spot of nowhere.

I think I used to hate times like this, where I was powerless and helpless. Have things changed for the better or, the worse? Well, ending up like this couldn't be a good thing. But, no rush, there's nothing in that world that needs me anymore. My purpose has been fulfilled, and everything was back to normal after we had shattered the false reality. I don't need to try to wake up in my own world anyway, wherever this is, it is quiet and peaceful, and I like it to be this way.

Sigh, ok I admit it, it's getting boring here. There's just too much time to think everything over and over again, it is not helping especially when I only think about how I had spent my last 3 years. I had set foot on this path, every step I took was with purposes and I had no regret about it, thinking about them now won't change a thing. Time travel is just science fiction.

"Ha…", letting another long sigh after turning my head around to observe if there are any changes, "No, nothing yet. Just when will this end." I close my eyes again just to open slowly once more, how many million times I've done this hoping to see something different?

"Hmmm? What's that?" Oh, now really something changes. A tiny light floating in line with my vision (since there's no sense of direction for me), I raise my hand trying to touch it. It looks close, but it's actually far, pulsing from a distance. "Come on, come closer now, whatever you are." The pulsing light slowly floats into my palms, I thought it was a firefly but turns out to be a small light bulb.

"A fairy light, huh?" The last time I had seen this was in Akira's room in Leblanc's attic, he really set it up when I gifted it to him as a repayment of the silver bangle he got for me. Why the fairy light you asked? Hmm…

"Goro, I'm really sorry my little boy." This voice, a voice that I won't hear anymore in the real world, "Mommy have a lot of work to do every year this season, now don't cry anymore." Slowly, I lift my head to see the figure of my mother hugging 4 years old me. Strange enough, gravity decides to work as per usual again.

There were a lot of memories of my mom, including the bad ones. This piece of memory only came up twice: when I started to live alone and when Akira mentioned he had terrible nightmares for months after he came to Tokyo.

"It's really dark at night and I'm scared," little me choked up words between sobs. Ugh, why was I so pathetic, "Monsters that Tai-kun told me keep chasing after me in my dreams." I had no recollection who the hell was Tai-kun, a nobody or some random name I came up.

"My silly boy, you know those monsters don't truly exist," after fighting mythical monsters in the Metaverse, they do exist mom, at least in the mass cognition. "How about this, I'll prepare something magical and this magic will keep all your bad dreams away."

"Magic? Is it like the Feathermen? Superpower forces to fight bad guys?"

"Yes, magic like the Feathermen and fight the monsters in your dream."

The face of the 4 years old me lit up, "Really? Can I wield the magic myself?" Good thing I still retain those puppy eyes that my prince persona uses to be a media favourite.

"Yes, you can, my dear."

Yes, I did wield magic mom, magic that has a real effect in the real world, to aid that bastard father to succeed in his political career. Magic that you will never be proud of me.

With a blink of an eye, I'm back in my old house, with fairy lights hanging around the walls of the room. Turning around the room, looking at the interior of my old home with a different height of vision really feels different, everything seems so huge back then now seems so small. We don't have much but it was sufficient for just both of us.

"Goro," Another memory starting? I turn around to look at the direction of the voice, "these are called fairy lights, they will guide you out from your bad dreams."

"Mom, you sure this magic is working? The monsters are still chasing me."

"You have to open your heart to look for these small lights in your dream, they will aid you and guide you out from the dark." Mother looks up and looks into my eyes, "You already had one small light in your hand."

Looking back down in my palm, "Yes I had one... but what can I do with it?" Looking back up, hoping for further guidance but I'm back to the pitch-black space again but with another small pulsing light in the distance. Did she just talk to _me_? Collect the lights, is this some sort of guidance that you left for me?

At least gravity is still intact.

—

Cupping another tiny light bulb with my palm, both of them merged together to form a brighter light. "Akechi." It's Akira, and the female singer at Jazz Jin performing on the stage, my hand extended to pass over the set of fairy lights I bought for him.

"This is for you, it is only fair if I give something back to you after you gave me a silver bangle." I turned my right hand to reveal the bangle on my wrist, Akira looked at me with a questioning tilt of his head. "I had fairy lights in my room when I was small and having trouble sleeping. I hope these can help you too."

 _Oh, that's thoughtful of you. Thanks._ That was what he said back then, "Akechi, this small act of yours brings light to me in the dark."

Wait, "Huh?"

Akira holds a small light close to his chest, it shines through between his fingers, "I hope they will bring you back to me, I never got to tell you, they once brought me back from the darkness."

Is this, this, the real Akira talking to him? Indeed his mind tends to characterise Akira to be a sentimental person, but his voice, his expression, I can even feel his warmth.

The small light escapes from Akira's hand and reunites with the other light in my own palms, "Another light." I start to think this is what mom meant, with these lights guiding me, back to my own path.

Do I really have a path?

—

When the light sinks into my palm, I look up and find myself back in Leblanc's attic. "It seems like the last train has already departed." Said Akira while he checked the schedule on his phone.

"I apologise for overstaying, it was rude of me not taking note of the time. Time seems to pass really fast when I'm with you. I shall take my leave now." This was back when we were discussing our strategies and tactics on handling Sae's Palace together with Makoto. She had gone ahead to return home when it was almost time for dinner, she still had to fall back into her usual routine to not raise any suspicion from Sae-san.

"We have one extra futon, if you don't mind staying overnight. Yusuke had stayed here for one night last time, thus the extra futon." Akira said while rubbing his neck.

"I think that will be quite an unwelcome intrusion since we have not informed the boss beforehand." Akira was definitely out of his mind to trust a person that blackmailed him. What's more, I had plans to capture and murder him. "I appreciate your offer but I can take a cab back home."

"Wait Akechi. You look really tired and just accept someone who tried to be nice to you." The little frown and pout did not miss my eyes. In any normal circumstances, I would not take anyone's _kind_ offer, it could be as good as a trap. But the expressions Akira did, I felt no malicious intent from the other boy.

Feeling defeated, I agreed "... If you insist."

We tucked in bed after taking a quick shower at the bathhouse, the fairy light has been switched on when the lights were out. Akira seemed to have something to tell me but Morgana being Akira's best alarm clock ever managed to get him into dreamland.

Can I even get to sleep even in this memory replay? Good thing I don't have to wait too long for it to happen, I felt Morgana's soft paw on my face, pushing my face with all the forces he could muster as a cat to wake me up. "Morgana, do you know cat paws have a smell on them?"

"What? I'm not a cat and that's not the point! Wake up, Akira's having a nightmare again and I can't wake him up." Morgana sounded really worried, guess he's more than just an alarm clock.

I got up from the futon and shook Akira's shoulder, "Akira, hey, wake up. You're dreaming." Akira let out a scream when he opened his eyes, I'm expecting him to push me away like last time. Ends up being pulled into a tight embrace.

"You're here, I thought I lost you again."

"Akira, you'll never be safe being anywhere with me." This doesn't sound right, is this the real life Akira again? A small warmth from my palm suddenly spread to my whole body, is that another light? I can't see my hand and that's why it uses heat senses to inform me it has arrived?

With a long breath, opening my eyes again, we switch places. Akira is lying on top of me now, we are in the safe house Sojiro prepared beforehand. "Why do you keep looking for me?"  
  
"If you ever think you're not worth living again in this world, think about it again, think about me, I need you." Says Akira as he nuzzles his face further into my chest, his fluffy black hair in front of my nose, trying very hard to resist not to take in the natural scent of Akira. My arms are already wrapped around Akira, I never thought I would miss this. I don't even think of him in a romantic way.

"I told you not to be so dependent on me already. I'm a deadman, Akira. You have the other thieves to help you, you will meet someone that is worthy of you. My lai..." Akira kisses me without letting me finish my sentence.

The first few kisses are harsh, to stop me from talking, stealing my breath away with a few deep sucks into my mouth, circulating my tongue with his own not letting my mouth adjust to breathing. This is the second time we kissed, the first time was on the day before fighting Maruki, right after I said my situation was trivial as compared to the fate of the world.

I struggle in his hold, we have nothing between us, no love or what, it's all just everything in Akira's head that he thinks he likes me, very very much. Even the slightest goodwill I did, was very not out of affections, in my honest opinion.

I stop my struggles and Akira changes into soft kisses, this is my chance.

I push Akira away, breaking the kiss abruptly, both of us out of breath. We are in Leblanc's cafe now, in winter uniform. "My life, is not worthy." I drop the conclusion and run out of Leblanc. Warmth totally leaving me, staying behind the closed door of Leblanc.

—

The winter cold that supposedly can't hit Tokyo blows hard onto my face, I keep on running, how far I've gone? I don't know, I don't feel tired or out of breath, so I just keep running. It is freezing cold and my face hurts from all the frostbites on my skin. It's all pitch white around me, a massive contrast of being in the dark previously. I don't even have to worry about running with my eyes closed, there's totally nothing around me but snow.

I'm sick and tired of everything, why won't things just end here for me. My time is up, there's nothing more left of me. My legs coming to a stop, they both give up on me and I fall sitting on the ground. I let out a scream from my lung as I fist the floor, "Just end me already, don't hold me back anymore. Let me go…"

A rough and warm hand guides my face up, a gentle thumb brushes my face and the person gently blows on the place it hurts, it feels like a feather brushing through my cheeks, "Itai-no, itai-no, tonte yuke." It's the magical chant people said to kids when they fell down on the floor.

A smell of iodine rushes into my nose and a wet fabric softly dabbed my face. It's painful but I did not wince, only biting my inner lips. "Goro, thank you for standing up for me, you're my little hero. But do you know it is dangerous? You're still small and any of the adults could cause concussion on your head. Please don't engage with such dangerous acts anymore."

"But mom, you don't deserve to be beaten by anyone too! I can't stand anyone doing that to you! I'm your hero but you never let me be a true hero for you!" My voice, I was six back then when this happened. I stared back at my mom, fury in my eyes.

"You did, you already did. You've brought justice to me, didn't you? And I'm proud of you, of what you've become." Mom holds my gaze with kindness, love and warmth, the same face that I did not want to forget. Words that I wished naively every night that it will come true one day, a rush of tears flowing out of my eyes.

"No, I'm nothing to be proud of. I've killed people, I've forged fake reports and cases to achieve my goals." I look down at my hands, they are covered in blood and I hide my face in these bloody hands, sobbing quietly, like a pathetic kid I used to be 14 years ago.

"Goro, if you think you have done wrong, I forgive you, and you should forgive yourself. But I don't think you did wrong, you are my proudest son I could ever have, you keep your justice, I know you still have it in you. You always make the right choices, even if it means bringing consequences on yourself, not the others. You are kind, Goro."

"And I'll keep telling you, how wonderful you are, how you are worth it to live on, how your life will bring more meaningful life to many. You're never evil, Akechi. _(Goro. And I love you, my son.)_ " Both mom and Akira's voices mix together, they both trying to tell me the same thing.

They are wrong, both of them are so wrong. But why does my heart want to trust their words, they are not my own words, is this still a dream? I don't even know anymore. For now, let's trust them.

_The light in my hands blinded my eyes…_

_And…_

—

_Beep, beep, beep._

Heavy, everything is so heavy after experiencing no gravity for such a long time. It feels like there's no energy inside of me like a deflated balloon. What just happened? Where am I? Where did the fairy light go? I squeeze my left hand a little. It was there just now.

All I feel is something soft and firm, holding my hand back, I squeeze again and hear a squeak from the floor. "Oh my god, Akechi?" It's Akira's voice, I force my heavy eyelids to open, I can't see him well, everything's so blurry to me. Akira is holding my hand with a firm grip now, "Akechi, can you hear me? Stay awake, I'll go get the doctor."

**Author's Note:**

> \- Even though they did not date during the main story, they do after Akechi accepting Akira’s annoying presence, like super long time later, when Akechi sorts out his messy brain.  
> \- Akechi wakes up 6 months after Royal.  
> \- Akira stayed in Tokyo when he heard news about Akechi still alive from Sae, on the day before his departure back to his hometown.  
> \- Akira does realise he is emotionally dependent on Akechi, he understands this being unhealthy but he won’t have it another way. Akira decided he will spend the rest of his life with Akechi and only Akechi can give him courage to stand strong.  
> \- Somewhat, somehow, Akira managed to appear in Akechi’s dream. He might not be able to remember it (only a few deja vu while Akechi remembers everything) but those were his true feelings towards Akechi.  
> \- This was supposed to have Akira’s POV but hmm, like this is good too.  
> \- _“Itaino, itaino, tonte yuke.”_ is a magic chant used on children when you tend their wounds accompanied with a few light blow on the wounds. It literary means "pain fly away, pain fly away."


End file.
